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Monday, April 25, 2005

“老鼠药”

我对于捕捉老鼠的方法有很深的研究和经验。早阵子自从我家的“捕鼠狗”不见后,老鼠们也越来越放肆,无论早上,下午和晚上都在我家招遥过市。

在无可耐何之下,买了包老鼠药,打算把它们一家大小赶尽杀绝。我把老鼠药放在鱼缸上,因为我已经留意到这是他们出来“逛街”时的必经路线。过后我就拿了一黑一白,躲在房内,准备看戏。

在 经过我长时间的观察和研究之后,发现到在我第一次放老鼠药时,大老鼠总是在上面等待,然后”吩咐“小老鼠去探测它们的“新食物”。当小老鼠咬了一颗老鼠 药上去后,其它的都全部跟着小老鼠进洞。第一晚放时还以为成功了,但隔天却发现它们并未全军覆没,于是又放了几颗在同一个地方。

但第二晚发现到它们不去碰那老鼠药了,可能它们已发现那几颗东西吃后会让它们口吐白沫而死。我便买了另一种老鼠药,发现到又有另一只小老鼠去吃,但隔天,其它老鼠又不去碰了。

老鼠药像男人,老鼠就像女人,如果想让女人服服贴贴,对你死心塌地,就必须定时换药,不然老鼠就不会很听话的吃下,对你小鸟依人。所以男人就应该定时把自己变成不同的老鼠药,不然,再怎么贵的老鼠药也不会有老鼠想吃第二次。

可能你想问我,市面上有那么多种类的老鼠药吗?我对你说,现在我家的老鼠兵团死光了,秘诀是,买5种老鼠药,每天换一种,5天后又换回第一种,包你见效。

你每晚满身酒味烟味再加上淡淡的香水味回家,然后对老婆说你要应酬顾客。讲了两个星期后还用着同样的借口,你说女人真的会相信你吗?

最可悲的是,你每晚都打包涨得快变成“大碌面”的冰凉云吞面回家给老婆,想借此机会降低自己的罪恶感。不是我说得绝,给我的狗也不吃!

26 Comments:

Anonymous 年轻老姨 said...

你一连两篇文章都为我们女性争回一口气,感谢你,我一定会叫我的男友上网看。想不到你“踩”老姨的同时,也会为我们争口气。

27 April, 2005  
Blogger 乖巧地抽风的老人 said...

嘿老兄,很绝嘛!不过也真的够一针见血的。
不过,与其说女人是老鼠,男人是老鼠药,我觉得每段感情里都必须常常换药,不止男人要有新鲜的藉口,女人也该常常耍些新把戏来应付男人吧!要是一段感情无聊得像一潭死水,那不如跳进另一潭去了!人生不也因为这样才比较有趣吗?

27 April, 2005  
Anonymous  said...

男人贪新鲜,女人爱惊喜!

28 April, 2005  
Blogger 珊·木目心 said...

男人贪新鲜之际懒得用脑用心,只想用性来代替脑。女人爱惊喜之余又碍于矜持和自古男人加注于女人身上的‘三从四德’枷锁。

大多数的女人觉得什么都说出口、对男人说要这要那,那已就没意思了(那些只看男人钱包够不够买名牌产品的女人除外)。想一下,什么都说出口,就好像是你在要求(有些男人甚至觉得那是苛求),就算他真的满足了你,那又为何而为?他作得心不甘情不愿,有些甚至粗制滥造,只因为要塞住你的唠叨而为,那女人为何要走那一步?

男人觉得他们出外风流是可以容忍的,女人睁一只眼,闭一只眼是应该的。男人有那想法是普遍的,因为我从小就看惯了那样的男人,也看惯了有那样的思想的女人。但是,这不代表那是奉旨的!男人啊,请你们把那蒙蔽已久的良心拿出来吧!女人睁一只眼闭一只眼不是因为那是应该的,而是她们还爱你,还珍惜你,还想要那个家,还想要孩子们称你为‘爸爸’!试问一下,如果孩子知道你在外面搞得个天花乱坠,你说他们还要你这个可能带什么什么病毒回家的男人吗?女人已尽力捍卫你的尊严、你在孩子面前的威严,也望你别得寸进尺。记得,“面是别人给的,架是自己丢的”!

baka说得好,要是一段感情无聊得像一潭死水,那不如跳进另一潭去了,但也别忘了,那可能也是另一潭死水,分别只在於是谁在里头挣扎或是背部向天。

30 April, 2005  
Anonymous 積其 said...

老鼠药比喻男人,老鼠比喻女人...那到不如猫比喻成男人,老鼠比喻成女人比较贴切;自古以来猫与老鼠都是并存,男人与女人也一样, 世上不可能只有猫或男人, 那多痛苦呀! 反之,只有老鼠没有猫...就会鼠患哦!猫喜欢"捉"老鼠...老鼠也喜欢被猫"追"! 这是自然界不二的定律! 男的女的都一样,一段感情要维持的好,当然"新鲜感", 所谓的"SURPRISE!"有一定的刺激作用!当男的追求女的时候也用了不少"老鼠药"; 有时女的还会"心丝丝"在想~"今天的老鼠药呢?"

01 May, 2005  
Anonymous Anonymous said...

爱是什么?爱是人类最多余的一种情感。
爱是什么?爱不过是过眼云烟,挂在嘴边的华丽字眼。
爱是什么?爱是自私,猜忌,嫉妒,罪恶,是一切悲剧的开始。
当爱悄悄的拨动一个人的心弦,噩梦便降临了。
当Rose爱上Jack,结果是什么?Jack葬身海底。
当罗密欧遇到茱丽叶,结果是什么?他们成了家族仇恨的牺牲品。
当吕布第一眼见到貂禅,结果是什么?一代枭雄缢死白门楼。
当梁山伯知道祝英台实是女儿身,结果是什么?双双殉情而死。

04 May, 2005  
Blogger 珊·木目心 said...

从来没人曾用枪来逼你去爱另一个人吧?如果真的有,你也不会真的去爱。你以上所说的人物,只是踏上他们自己选择的路,他们是心甘情愿的。

06 May, 2005  
Blogger * oLive * said...

嘿..老鼠藥的秘訣.很好~我主任在頭痛他家裡的老鼠.

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